


It's okay

by FirenzeSun



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, I'm evil, M/M, technically angst with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 10:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirenzeSun/pseuds/FirenzeSun
Summary: Or:Five times Gary broke John's heart and one time he didn't





	It's okay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AgentMaryMargaretSkitz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMaryMargaretSkitz/gifts).

> This is Kate's fault

1.

"Good, evil, you know. This can't work out, pet," John said breaking things up with Gary. The sex had been great, the companionship had been even more great. But this was what was best for Gary.

"It's okay," Gary said with a resigned smile.

And oh, this was heartbreak John hadn't thought he would feel. It was the way Gary's smile said that he didn't believe his lies, but he accepted them. That Gary was taking the blame of himself. That he accepted it because of course he wasn't enough.

John would have loved to ease him, to comfort him. But it was true. Gary wasn't enough to be worth facing the inevitable heartbreak losing him would cause. If his heart was aching already so much, now, then when his blood would be tainting his own hands it'd be too much.

It was better this way. It wasn't okay, but it'd have to be.

2.

The day has been saved, the Legends against all chances have succeeded and now they were in the Waverider, regrouping. John took Gary apart to talk, it was not what he usually did, but he was a Legend now, expect the unexpected.

"It's okay," Gary told him with a sweet weak smile as soon as John begun apologizing for how he treated him. "There's nothing to forgive."

"No, love, it's not okay and both you and me know it. If it had been okay, you wouldn't have gone to Neron. I was the worst of them, I used you and then I discarded you like an used condom. It's not okay."

John had gotten angry, at himself mostly, but a bit at Gary too for not seeing his worth, that he deserved respect. Not that he could blame him.

"But it _is_ okay, John," and Gary's eyes were wet now. "You were- you were the best of them. You were the first to acknowledge me, you were the first to listen to me."

"That just makes it worse," John sighed, deflated. "I am so sorry for it. You deserve better."

Gary had begun crying, John cupped his head with one hand and hugged him with his other arm, whispering apologies to his ear, holding him.

3.

He stank of alcohol, perfume and musk. His hair was a mess and he still had lipstick over his neck.

"I'm so sorry," John cried, his voice low as to not wake Cassie up.

"It's okay," Gary said with a smile that died immediately on arrival. His eyes were dull, lifeless. How many times would Gary have to say that to John. How many times will John have to apologize. It was not okay, because John wasn't okay.

He had known it was a bad decision while he downed the alcohol and somewhere in a corner of his drunk brain something had screamed at him to stop, to think of Gary and his family. But even as he moved inside of her, he couldn't stop.

"Just take a shower before coming to bed," Gary said, sending a glance to their daughter's room before leaving.

There was no anger in his voice, just cruel cold defeat, and that was so much worse.

4.

"Please, don't go," John cried.

"It's just a few weeks, until dad is feeling better," Gary said, he didn't smile. He had stopped smiling around John some time ago.

Since his dad passed away, Puck had trouble adjusting, and Gary was going to help him. That wouldn't have been unusual, but they both knew that when he left, Gary wasn't planning on returning.

"Love, please, I-"

"Tell Cassie to come on the weekend, seeing her will cheer Puck up."

"Gary," John implored, this was divorced talk.

"It's okay," and Gary smiled briefly at him. But before John could complain, he added, "it will be."

5.

They had learned from their mistakes, they had both grown up. John had apologized one last time and had finally learned some healthy coping mechanisms. Their daughter had grown into a beautiful woman. They had finally been happy.

So of course it had to end.

"Gary, please, stay, Gary," John begged while he felt the blood that was no longer inside of Gary slip through his fingers.

"You saved them," Gary smiled, and it was genuine. "And I saved you. It's fair."

"Gary, no, how can it be? I can't lose you, please."

"Tell her that I love her, will you? And remember that I love you."

John could only sob.

"Hey, it's okay," Gary said lifting a hand to cup John's cheek.

"I love you," John managed.

Gary smiled one last time.

1.

"It's okay," was the first thing he heard before he opened his eyes. It felt like waking up from a dream, or like going to sleep, maybe.

He could barely see through the light while he took in his surroundings.

"It's okay," the voice repeated, and John finally saw a shape.

"Gary?"

"You've made it, honey," Gary said and it was his smile the first thing that he could set apart.

Happiness invaded John, and he felt like floating. Maybe he was. They embraced, and kissed and John remembered how this love felt like after all these years.

"I've missed you," he breathed into his neck.

"Me too, hon," Gary answered. "But it's okay. We're okay." 

**Author's Note:**

> And I'm not even sorry


End file.
